It's one of three songs I know all the words to

Moon, rapping to entertain The Baby: I like big butts and I cannot lie / You always can't deny....
Me, shouting from the basement: You other brothers!
Moon: I like big butts and I cannot lie / You always can't deny...
Me, shouting again: Other brothers!
Moon: I like big butts and I cannot lie / You always can't deny...
Me, making sure I'm heard: OTHER BROTHERS!
Moon: What?!
Me: You other brothers! I like big butts and I cannot lie / You other brothers can't deny...
Moon: What?!
Me, still in the basement: I like big butts and I cannot lie/ You other brothers can't deny / When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist / And a round thing in your face / You get sprung / Wanna pull up tough / 'Cause you noticed that butt was stuffed / Deep in the jeans she's wearin' / I'm hooked and I can't stop starin' / Oh baby, I wanna get witcha / And take yo' picture/ My homeboys tried to warn me / But that butt you've got makes me so......You know what, Moon? Your version was just fine.

Yes! I made the list

Peanut's teacher just sent home a big batch of completed worksheets from Thanksgiving. As you can see below, I made the list of things he is thankful for:


In case you can't read the writing, Mom is on the fourth line. I'm in fourth place. Behind:
1. Hair
2. Indians
3. Stix.

I'm making a list of things I'm thankful for, too. So far, Peanut is in fourth place. He comes after:
1. TV
2. Vasectomy
3. Vodka.

Dear Peanut and Moon,

I know you didn't believe me when I said I was going to clean your room with a garbage bag. I heard you whispering together at the top of the stairs. Peanut, I heard you tell your brother that I was going to throw away your toys. And Moon, it was so nice of you to calm him with your assurances that I would never do it. In fact, I believe your exact words were, "We don't have to clean our room. Mom's not really going to clean it with a garbage bag. If she did that, it would be like just throwing away thousands of dollars of her own money. Mom's not that stupid."

Well, Moon, you were right. Sort of. I did not clean your room with a garbage bag. We're almost out of garbage bags and I didn't want to waste them. So I cleaned your room with shopping bags.




Also, I was not willing to throw away all those great toys. So I gave them away to some kids who don't call their Mom stupid.

And don't worry about cleaning anymore. I'll be happy to continue snooping around in cleaning your room when you're teenagers.
Merry Christmas!

Love,

Mom

P.S. That half eaten Baby Ruth in the back of your closet was a nice touch.