Shocker

Peanut:  Mom, you will never find the remote control!
Me:  It better not be anywhere near your butthole.
Peanut:  Nope.  It's in my penis.

Just hand me a stick of gum

Me, kissing Toddler:  Muh!  I keess you.
Toddler, fanning nose:  Ehhhhhh....
Me:  What?  Is my kiss stinky?
Toddler:  Poo.
Me:  What!?  My kiss is poo?
Toddler:  Keess poo.
Me:  My kiss smells like poo?
Toddler, pushing me away:  Poop kiss.  Gwoss.