Asshole

At the pool, Peanut:  Mom, will you hold me?
Me, snuggling him:  Sure.  Are you tired.
Peanut:  No.
Me:  Cold?
Peanut:  No.
Me:  Just want a hug?
Peanut:  No.
Me:  Are you peeing on me?
Peanut, laughing and swimming away:  Yes!

He knows what he wants (here's a hint...it's not lunch)

Me:  Do you want some lunchy?
Toddler:  Keys?
Me:  Yes.  Those are the keys.  Are you hungry?  Would you like some lunch?
Toddler:  Car?
Me:  No car.  Lunchy.
Toddler:  Keys?  Go car?
Me:  No car.  Lunch.  You want some lunch?
Toddler:  RAAARRRRR!!!
Me:  You could have just said no.