Big brothers don't babysit because

their idea of childcare is bringing down all the pillows from the bedroom to make a "baby fort" (jail, let's call it what it is), to contain The Baby so they can sit on the couch and watch Spongebob.

The "F" word

Peanut: Mom, throw snow on me!
Me, shoveling: I don't want to throw snow on you.
Peanut: Mom, throw snow on me!
Me: I don't want to throw snow on you. You'll cry.
Peanut: Mom, please, throw snow on me!
Me: I'm not throwing snow on you. You'll cry.
Peanut: Mom, you're fat.
Me, stern: Peanut, that is not very nice at all.
Peanut: Well, you're not really fat, it's just, well, it's just your butt.

I threw snow on him. He cried.