He's going to hate me for this in a few years

Peanut, standing naked in front of The Babysitting Goddess...

Me: So, I see you're not worried about The Babysitting Goddess seeing your penis anymore.
Peanut: No. She already saw it.
Me: Did she think it was any big deal?
Peanut: No. She was just surprised.
Me: Surprised?
Peanut: About how small it was.

Gratitude

At the beginning of a spontaneous road trip to a super fun indoor water park:

Me: Who's the best Mom in the whole world?
Moon: I dunno.
Peanut: Not you.
Me: What in the heck are you talking about? I'm taking you to a super fun indoor water park for no reason at all. Who's the best Mom in the world?
Peanut: Not you.
Me: Who's a better Mom than me? Name one person!
Peanut: Grandma Mouse.
Me: Ha! Hardly. Do you know what Grandma Mouse used to give me for dinner?
Peanut: What?
Me: Shit on a stick. Try again. Who's a better Mom than me?
Peanut: Well, I know it's not Dad's Mom, because she tried to hit him with a frying pan when he was a kid.
Moon: Dad says that story's not true.
Me: Oh, no. Totally true. Grandma is definitely not a better Mom than me, either. Try again.
Peanut: Bobby's* Mom is better than you. She hardly ever yells.
Me: What?! Bobby's Mom is batshit crazy! I mean, truly, certifiably, insane. She's not a better Mom than me. Try again.
Peanut: I don't know who the best Mom in the world is. The only thing I do know is that it's not you!