If covering yourself from head to toe in feces could provide protection from Swine Flu, I wouldn't need to take any further precautionary measures

Me, naked in the bathroom, holding the towel I just used to dry my entire body, including my hair and face: PEANUT!
Peanut: What?
Me: Get up here, right now!
Peanut: What?
Me: Now!
Peanut: What?
Me: Why is there poop on this towel!?
Peanut: I didn't do that.
Me: Peanut....why is there poop?
Peanut: Mom! I didn't do it.
Me: Let me see your butt.
Peanut: It's not poopy.
D: Did you wipe your butt on the towel?
Peanut: I didn't. I only went poop once today and I used a wet wipe.
Me: It's poop. I can smell it. Let me see your butt.
Peanut, pulling down his pants: It's not poopy.
D: Wait, you took a shower last night, right? Which towel did you use?
Peanut: Oh.
Me: I'm going to go ahead and get back in the shower now.
D: Would you like a fresh towel?
Me: Yes, please.

I think I can now say definitively that this was not chocolate.