Am. Mortified.

Peanut, at playground: Mom! These kids who were just speaking Chinese said something bad about me because I know Chinese and I know what they said!
Me: Really? You know Chinese?
Peanut: Yes. And I know what they said. They just called me stupid!
Me: How do you know they called you stupid if they were speaking Chinese?
Peanut: Because! The were just speaking, like, Chinese, or French, and they called me stoo-pee-dee.
Me: Chinese or French, huh? Well, if they're not being nice maybe you should find someone else to play with.
Peanut, storming across playground toward kids who were speaking Chinese, or French, and pointing his finger: You think I'm stupid? Maybe you should take some classes and learn to speak English!
Me, momentarily frozen with shame and horror, then running toward Peanut in a flustered frenzy: No! No! You apologize right now! That is not appropriate or nice. Unacceptable. Apologize. Now!
Peanut, kicking the ground and mumbling: Sorry.
Me: Peanut, these kids know how to speak two languages. How many do you know?
Peanut: One.
Kid 1: We speak Italian and English.
Kid 2, under breath: Stupidi.
Me: See, they speak Italian. Maybe if you were playing nice together you could ask them to teach you some words in Italian.
Kid 1, nodding: We could. We speak Italian all the time.
Peanut: I don't need to. I know "stupid" in any language.

Thanks, that was really helpful

Me: Did you remember everything?
The Babysitting Goddess: Yep. All packed up. But, is it ok to have a blowdryer in my carry-on?
Me: Yes, blowdryer is fine. You just can't have any liquids over three ounces in your carry-on.
Peanut: Or dynamite.