KaSnap! is never a good noise, especially as it pertains to children. KaSnap! is the sound of someone breaking something important, like fine china, or their femur. Apparently, it's also the sound of an Epi-Pen.

Me: Moon, come on, get your guitar, I have to get you to class.
Moon, never looking up from Gameboy: K.
Me: Seriously. Moon, Peanut, come on, let's go.


Me, running into kitchen: What happened? Are you okay?
Me, taking in the scene: Son of a Bitch! Everyone, shoes, we're going to the ER!
Peanut: NO! NO! NO! It doesn't hurt. OWHOWHOWHOW! I don't need to go.

After everyone is rushed into the car, shoeless, I consider sitting in the ER by myself with three children and decide to call the pediatrician to make sure we need to go. While waiting on hold for an answer from the nurse:

Me: Did it go all the way into your hand?
Peanut: No. It didn't get me at all.
Me: Then why are you screaming?
Peanut: It just scared me. OWWW! ow. I'm fine.
Me: Why is there blood on your hand?
Peanut: owie. It's just from a mosquito that bit me last night.
Me: Peanut, I can see the hole in your hand where the needle went in.
Peanut: Mosquito bite.

At this point, the dr. tells us that an ER trip is probably not necessary, but I should watch him closely for any unusual symptoms. So now, I'm sitting on the couch across from him, wondering if falling into an immediate and deep sleep qualifies as an "unusual" symptom. And I'm wondering if it is "unusual" how I'm going to get a sleeping baby and a sleeping toddler to the ER by myself. And finally, I'm thinking of writing to the makers of Epi-Pen and asking if they would consider manufacturing a version that, when injected, makes a less frightening noise like, "ah-choo," or "shazaam."

4th Grade Dud

Moon lost.

Guess he should have let Mom help out with that speech writing.


School nurse on the phone for the third time in three weeks: Hello? Mrs. Peanut's mom?
Me: Yes?
Nurse: Hi, this is the nurse from Peanut's school. You don't need to come get him this time, but I just wanted to let you know I have Peanut in my office. He says he threw up.
Me: Does he have the flu?
Nurse: Well, he seems to be fine, and nobody actually saw him do it, but I just wanted to let you know, he says he went in the bathroom and threw up.
Me: But he doesn't seem sick?
Nurse: No. Like I said, nobody really saw him throw up.
Me, lightbulb clicking on: Was he eating lunch?
Nurse: Yes, it was at lunch time.
Me: I'm pretty sure he probably did throw up then. But he's not sick.
Nurse: Oh?
Me: He makes himself vomit.
Nurse: Pardon me?
Me: It's just this thing he does.
Nurse: What do you mean?
Me: When he eats a meal and he decides he doesn't like it anymore he makes himself throw up. He'll eat everything except the last bite and then decide it's disgusting. Then he gags until he throws up.
Nurse: He makes himself throw up?
Me: Yes. If he doesn't want to eat something, he will gag himself until he vomits. It's not uncommon for him to throw up on the dinner table.
Nurse: Are you doing something about this?
Me: We're ignoring it in hopes that it will go away.
Nurse: Oh. Hm. Well, I guess this is a good thing for me to know about him.
Me: Add it to the list. You two are going to be spending a lot of time together.