Schpeak up, Schonny

Peanut:  Mom!  I peed in the bathtub and the Toddler just put tub water in a cup and drank it!
Me:  Oh my God!  That's disgusting.  Drain the tub.
Peanut:  I poured it on him.
Me:  No!  I said drain the tub.  Do not pour pee water on your brother.
Peanut:  Come on, Mom.  Are you deaf?  I wouldn't pour pee water on him.  I SAID, "I farted on him."

Run down and fetch me some salt pork from the root cellar

Peanut: Hey, Mom, you were born first in this family.
Me: No. Dad was.
Peanut: Oh yeah. Wait, when was Dad born?
Me: 1973.
Peanut: 1973!? That's back when they didn't even have refrigerators!