Yeah, this is basically what my Friday night looks like

D., freshly showered after clearing snow: I want to just put on sweatpants, but I'll wear jeans instead.

Me: Wear sweatpants.

D.: But I want to impress you. I know how much you like it when I wear pants. Plus, I'm kind of gassy, and wearing sweatpants when you're gassy is like putting poop through a strainer, some of the fart just gets caught in there.


He followed this up by pulling down his pants and shaking his penis all over the living room

Peanut: Mom, can I have a hotdog?
Me: Go ahead.
Peanut: Mom, what's a beef frank?
Me: It's a hotdog.
Peanut: No, what's a BEEF FRANK?
Me: It's a hotdog.
Peanut: No, a BEEF FRANK. What's a beef frank?
Me: A hotdog.
Peanut: No, Mom, a beef frank. Is that like a pig's wiener or something?
Me, pounding my head on the table: No. A beef frank is a HOTDOG.
Peanut: Oh. Look at my penis. This is the naked man dance.


Not sure he should hang out with Grandma anymore

Peanut: Hey Mom! When I was at Blockbuster with Grandma, some person just did something so stupid. I was renting Carnival Mini Golf and some prankster put Cooking Mama in its place. What an idiot!

Me: Huh. How about if you stop calling people idiots?

Peanut: I will stop calling people idiots when those idiots stop making mischief in the store.