D., freshly showered after clearing snow: I want to just put on sweatpants, but I'll wear jeans instead.
Me: Wear sweatpants.
D.: But I want to impress you. I know how much you like it when I wear pants. Plus, I'm kind of gassy, and wearing sweatpants when you're gassy is like putting poop through a strainer, some of the fart just gets caught in there.