Actually, it's quotes of the last 2-3 days:
"Wow, another month? You look like you about to explode!" - woman at CVS looking at my stomach in terror
"Woo-hoo! No homework this weekend!" - Moono, 15 minutes before his Spanish teacher called to let me know that he failed to do the project that he's known about for six weeks
"Co-worker X is great. She'll be really successful as long as she doesn't decide to stay at home and make babies." - My husband, with whom I am celebrating our 8th anniversary and about to bear our third child
"Dad, I am NOT telling you what the present is that Mom just bought you at Target." - Peanut, after being repeatedly warned not to blab
"Hey, bro, it's like all the Dads are on drop-off duty today." - Douchebag at morning drop-off, stated while wearing a pastel sweater tied around his neck and fist-bumping another dad. I think he said something about "brewskis", too, but I could just be making that up.
"I bet Dad's buying you a present in New York City today. He's probably doing it on his lunch break." - Moono, while pondering the super-secret anniversary present for his father that we all know was purchased at Target
"Fuck! God damn it. Son of a bitch. I think those are pink." - Me, after buying new "red" crocs for Peanut, cutting the tags off so they can't be returned, and then seeing them outside in natural light