Hip Hop, why don't you love me back?

The boys have had friends over for the last two hours, and the friends happen to be the LOUDEST CHILDREN ON THE PLANET. Not only are they loud, they're repetitive. I could maybe deal with the loud, if it weren't two hours of "Skunk in the barnyard, PU" without so much as taking a breath. Lots of shouting without actually saying anything, and I'm about to weep.

I asked for them to tone it down. I told them to shut up. I threatened to take them home immediately. All to no avail. In desperation, I finally gave up and tried to out-noise them by playing booty music on my laptop.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake recently of actually reading the lyrics to some of MP3s I have.

Which brings me to my question. Hip Hop, I love you so very much. Why don't you love me back? You are clearly the best (only) music to dance to. Your beats can make me feel better even when I'm in the worst of moods. You are glorious when mixed with liquor. You are pretty much perfect, except for your dumb-ass lyrics.

Just from my current iTunes playlist:


Eminem, Shake That (I take no offense to the "shake that ass" portion, because really, that's what I want to do when I listen to hip hop):

I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygentist
Open your mouth for about four or five minutes
Take a little bit of this flouride rinse
Swish but don't spit it, swallow and I'll finish
Yeah me and Nate d-o double g
Looking for a couple bitches with some double d's
Pop a little champagne and a couple E's
Slip it in her bubbuly, we finna finna have a party

[Verse 5 - Nate Dogg]

Have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (Go head shake your butt)
I'm lookin for a girl I can fuck in my hummer truck
Apple Bottom jeans and a big ol' suck
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I want a bitch that sit at the crib with no panties on
Knows that she can but she won't say no
Now look at this lady all in front of me, sexy as can be
Tonight I want a slut, will you be mine?
I heard you was freaky from a friend of mine

[Bridge - Eminem]

Now I hope you don't get mad at me
But I told Nate you was a freak
He said he wants a slut, hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind


Ying Yang Twins - The Whisper Song

You heard what i said, we need to make our way to the bed
And you can start usin' yo head
You like to fuck, have yo legs open all in da butt
Do it up slappin ass cuz the sex gets rough
Switch the positions and ready to get down to business
So you can see what you've been missin'
You might had some but you never had none like this
Just wait til you see my dick

Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick
Wait til you see my dick
Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick
Imma beat dat pussy up
Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick


> Wait you see my dick
Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick
Imma beat dat pussy up

Like B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM

Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy
Up, Beat da pussy up

50 Cent - Just a Lil Bit:

You really got me feelin' right.. (ya heard me)
My mama gone you can spend the night (ya heard me)
I ain't playin' I'm tryin' to fuck tonight (ya heard me)
Clothes off, face down, ass up, c'mon (haha)

Hip Hop, I've been defending you for years. As a favor, could you lay off the misogyny please? Otherwise, as a mother of three sons, and a human being with a vagina, I'm going to have to stop listening to you. And I actually pay for the music I download.