Dear Peanut and Moon,

I know you didn't believe me when I said I was going to clean your room with a garbage bag. I heard you whispering together at the top of the stairs. Peanut, I heard you tell your brother that I was going to throw away your toys. And Moon, it was so nice of you to calm him with your assurances that I would never do it. In fact, I believe your exact words were, "We don't have to clean our room. Mom's not really going to clean it with a garbage bag. If she did that, it would be like just throwing away thousands of dollars of her own money. Mom's not that stupid."

Well, Moon, you were right. Sort of. I did not clean your room with a garbage bag. We're almost out of garbage bags and I didn't want to waste them. So I cleaned your room with shopping bags.

Also, I was not willing to throw away all those great toys. So I gave them away to some kids who don't call their Mom stupid.

And don't worry about cleaning anymore. I'll be happy to continue snooping around in cleaning your room when you're teenagers.
Merry Christmas!



P.S. That half eaten Baby Ruth in the back of your closet was a nice touch.


David Binkowski said...


Audrey said...

Hey, if you don't take care of your shit, it gets cleaned up with a garbage bag. Or a shopping bag.

Plus, you hadn't played that game in, like, 26 years.

David Binkowski said...

Not true. I played with it when we brought it home from my parents house and when I showed the boys how to make the General Lee jump ramps and crash through barrels.

Anonymous said...

Dave...I think we went to school together...did you grow up in Warren, Michigan?
Dayna (Duncan) Britton

Anonymous said...

Just found you through a comment you left on www.lookydaddy.com. TOTALLY freakin' hilarious!!! As a mom of twin 4-year-old boys, I can so relate to the poop/fart/butt/burp/snot humor that goes on here. And it completely grosses out our 7-year-old daughter. More fun for us!

~annie said...

At last! A Kindred Spirit! I have employed variations of this theme over the years. Somehow the lesson never seems to stick, though... The latest permutation is "Whatever bits of your crap you leave lying around the house are getting pitched into the nearest wastebasket or out the window - whichever is closest." To which Critter said, "You have the weirdest parenting skills ever!" I may point her to this blog...

Anonymous said...

Also wanted to let you know I tagged you for a meme on my blog. http://FiveLeftFeet.blogspot.com