At grocery store, have a fever, haven't eaten, feeling woozy...
Cashier: That's a real cute handbag!
Me: Oh, thanks.
Cashier: What kind of bags you like?
Me: Uhh, shiny ones?
Cashier: Shiny ones?
Me: Well, I guess I like a nice shoulder bag.
Cashier: I meant paper or plastic.
Me: Oh. Duh. Sorry. I'm kind of a retard.
And then I look around at all of the people bagging the groceries, and realize that in addition to being kind of a retard, I'm also a complete asshole.