Ingrate

Me: Just let me know what you need help with for your Student Council campaign. Dad is really good at drawing and I'm sure he'd be happy to help you make your poster. And if you want, I'll help you write your speech.

Moon: Or, I could have Dad help me with my speech since he does that sort of thing every day.

Me: Well, Daddy doesn't really do speech writing.

Moon: No, but he does a lot of talking to people every day.

Me: Yeah, but that's different. He's just talking to clients about what he knows and how he can help them. He's not really "writing" speeches. Mom is more the writer type.

Moon: But Dad could help me with my speech. He's good at that sort of thing.

Me: Yeah, but I always did well in school when it came to speech writing and public speaking. I could help you.

Moon: Mmm, yeah, I think I'll just get Dad to help me.

OMG

Rainy day, picking the boys up from school:
Peanut: Mom, why did you park so far away?
Me: Because it's the closest spot that was available when I got here.
Peanut: It was not. There's a spot right there.
Me: There was a car parked in that spot earlier.
Peanut: Well, what about that spot next to the tree? You could have parked there.
Me: There was a car in that spot, too.
Peanut, with a totally awesome valley girl accent: O...M...G...
Me: Seriously? We're doing "OMG" now?
Peanut: What? Mason says it.
Me: OMG.