The subliminal mind duck

Just a few random things:

1. It's 81 degrees in my house and so humid that all of my body parts are sticking to all of my other body parts. The 10 day forecast calls for a temperature range between 70 and 80 degrees. So, dude on Craigslist with the three window a/c units for sale, if you're reading this, e-mail me back, okay? Because I really don't want to have to hurt anyone.

2. It's 81 degrees on the main floor of my house. Which makes it roughly 101 degrees in my attic, where my office is located. Oh, and I'm eight months pregnant. So, people who bought stuff from me on ebay this week, hold tight. I'll get your packages shipped. It's just going to take a little longer than normal as I prefer to not asphyxiate while packing up clothing. This especially means you, "KK", miss "take-over-three-weeks-to-pay-me-then-write-to-ask-why-you-
haven't-received-your-dress-yet."

3. Even when it's hotter 'n a two peckered billy goat (see, I did learn something from my dad's family) outside, kids singing the wrong words to songs they shouldn't be listening to in the first place is still entertaining. For example, there's Green Day's "American Idiot." Which Peanut initially sang as "Hey can you hear the sound of the stereo? The subliminal mind...bad word...America." It's now evolved into, "Hey can you hear the sound of hysteria? The subliminal mind duck America."

And then there's my current favorite. Doing his best Jamie Foxx doing Ray Charles, he sings, "She steals my money...when I'm asleep." I'm pretty glad he hasn't gotten any further into the song than that. I'm not sure I want to hear his take on a gold digga' and who she ain't messin' with. I also have to warn you...never, ever, laugh at Peanut's Jamie Foxx impression. He's proud of it. He thinks it's awesome. If you laugh, he will cry inconsolably and insist that you let him have Mountain Dew to heal his broken spirit. And I promise you, no good can come of that.
I'll be sure and write another blog post when we're all awake at 3 a.m. because he has the jitters.

4. In case there was any confusion up to this point, yes, I'm a fairly shitty mother. Really, mediocre at best. I'm just trying to get them to adulthood without fucking them up any worse than my parents fucked me up. Which is not setting the bar very high.

5. Hi, Mom!

If I were Max, I'd punch that bossy, big-eared bitch

From Nick Jr.:

Max & Ruby is a half-hour animated comedy series based on the children's books by Rosemary Wells. Each episode centers on Max, a determined three-year-old bunny, and his big sister, Ruby, a smart, goal-oriented seven-year-old. The show offers an empowering message for children by showing Max and Ruby playing together and resolving their differences in ways that are respectful and supportive.

What really happens on the show is that Max is always minding his own business, trying to do some fun shit like play with his toy firetruck or dig up some worms, and his big sister comes along and kills his happiness. The kid is three years old and can't even get a word in because Ruby is always yapping at him. "Don't dig in the dirt, Max. I'm trying to have a tea party with my Bunny Scout friends." "Max, let's create a floral arrangement." "No, Max, you can't play in the bathtub because we need to bake a cake for Grandma's birthday."

Max should just punch that bitch in the face and shut her up, already.

I bet Ruby's from Scarsdale.